Humor Archives — Post-Punk.com https://post-punk.com/category/humor/ Your online source of music news and more about Post-Punk, Goth, Industrial, Synth, Shoegaze, and more! Thu, 21 Dec 2023 17:52:47 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.4.3 https://post-punk.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/cropped-postpunkincon-2-32x32.png Humor Archives — Post-Punk.com https://post-punk.com/category/humor/ 32 32 “Name 3 Songs!” — A Primer for Wearing Your Goth T-Shirt https://post-punk.com/name-3-songs-a-primer-for-wearing-your-goth-t-shirt/ Thu, 21 Dec 2023 17:52:47 +0000 https://post-punk.com/?p=66146 It’s inevitable: you’re out at a holiday party having a good time, vibing with the tunes and libations, and helping yourself to some snacks. You’re feeling great and looking spiffy…

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It’s inevitable: you’re out at a holiday party having a good time, vibing with the tunes and libations, and helping yourself to some snacks. You’re feeling great and looking spiffy in your Joy Division shirt. They are your favourite band, after all. You look up. Oh – damn. Here comes that jerk. He’s always trying to prove to people that he’s an expert on all things goth and post-punk – and watch out! He’s making a beeline straight towards you.

 “Nice shirt,” he says mockingly. “But Are you a real fan of Joy Division?

“I’m a real fan,” you retort.

“Oh, REALLY. Well, prove it! Name three songs from Joy Division!”

These moments drive you nuts…that dreadful feeling of being put on the spot for simply wearing a garment supporting a musical act you enjoy. What’s the big deal, anyway? Why all the posturing? In the grand scheme of this bleak existence on the mortal plane, why is this even something we worry about?

Well, at this moment, it doesn’t matter because now you are trapped by a gatekeeper, and you gotta bite back hard.

“I can do one better,” you snap.

It’s true! Now you can, with Post-Punk.com’s handy primer to popular goth t-shirts. We have all the hits: Bauhaus, Joy Division, Sisters of Mercy – a plethora of information so well-researched that it will arm you against any know-it-all and their gang of snobby bullies, so they will never bother you again. You’ll unleash a fierce Sherlock Holmes torrent of information at them, complete with clouds of mathematical equations floating over your head.

“Jeez, it’s just a t-shirt,” they’ll say, cowering in fear, eyes glazed over in awe and slight boredom, wondering if they can lord their knowledge over the less-intense, trippin’ synth-pop or Italo-disco crowd. Good. That’s what you want—peace on earth in a cool shirt.

So which one are you wearing?

Bauhaus Bela Lugosi’s Dead Shirt:

The band Bauhaus, formed in 1978, was initially named Bauhaus 1919, referencing the German art school Bauhaus’s first year. They later shortened their name to simply Bauhaus. The emblem and typeface used by the band for promotion, including posters and record sleeves, were inspired by the art school’s design elements, notably the face designed by Oskar Schlemmer in 1922.

The band’s iconic single, “Bela Lugosi’s Dead,” is a tongue-in-cheek song that can be jokingly considered “Freebird”, or “Stairway to Heaven” for Goths, whose lengthy playtime is often used by many a Goth club DJ as an excuse for a bathroom break during a long set.

The sleeve and t-shirt’s design details include the Bauhaus band name in lowercase font, with “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” scrawled below in script. The cover art was taken from the 1926 film The Sorrows of Satan, directed by D. W. Griffith. And on the back, and another variant of the t-shirt, is Conrad Veidt as Cesare in a still from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari,

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari stands as a monumental relic of silent cinema. This 1920 German film, a veritable smorgasbord of German Expressionism, was directed with a flair for the dramatic by Robert Wiene. Penned by the literary duo Hans Janowitz and Carl Mayer, it’s a story that wouldn’t feel out of place in a Kafkaesque nightmare or a Freudian case study.

The plot is deliciously straightforward, yet deviously complex. An insane hypnotist, portrayed with a zeal that suggests Werner Krauss may have missed his calling as a cult leader, manipulates a somnambulist to do his nefarious bidding. This sleepwalker, a role inhabited by Conrad Veidt, moves through the film like a puppet dangling on the strings of madness, his actions as unpredictable as a game of Russian roulette in a hurricane. The set designers threw geometry and physics out of the window, only to invite in their more interesting cousins: twisted lines, wonky angles, and shadows that seem to have a life of their own. It’s like Picasso and Dalí decided to collaborate on a home renovation show.

Three Bauhaus songs:

  • Terror Couple Kill Colonel
  • Lagartija Nick
  • The Passion of Lovers

Joy Division’s “Unknown Pleasures”:

In the cryptic art gracing the album cover of Joy Division’s “Unknown Pleasures,” we’re privy to the traces left by the pulsar named CP1919+21— the very first of its kind to be noted. A pulsar comes about through the rather dramatic exit of a star considerably heftier than our modest sun. These grand stars, rather than fading gently into that good night, erupt in what they term a “supernova explosion.” This leaves behind a nearly flawless sphere with a diameter of about 10 km known as a neutron star. With their swift rotations and a magnetic allure a trillion-fold mightier than Earth’s, the cosmic dance of these celestial wonders beam with the persistence of a beacon. After a rather extensive voyage through the cosmos, CP1919+21’s radiant bursts make their presence known here, punctually every 1.34 seconds, although until that was made evident, for some time, scholars jokingly mused that it be from an alien civilization and called it LGM1 – for “Little Green Men.”

Student Jocelyn Bell Burnell stumbled upon this pulsar in 1967 amidst the ivy walls of Cambridge University. Much like a beacon in the vastness of night, it sends forth electromagnetic whispers that our radio telescopes eagerly snatch up. Each streak you discern represents a singular pulse. These pulses waver ever so slightly, given they’ve traipsed vast cosmic distances, occasionally hindered by the universe’s meddling interruptions.

The iconic album cover for Unknown Pleasures was designed by Peter Saville, using an image from The Cambridge Encyclopedia of Astronomy, which showed radio waves from pulsar CP 1919, the first radio pulsar ever discovered. This image was originally created by astronomer Harold Craft at the Arecibo Observatory for his PhD thesis in 1970. There is no mention of Saville using the graphic without permission from the copyright holder in the provided sources​​.

A scholarly fellow by the name of Harold D. Craft Jr., upon the submission of his 1970 dissertation titled “Radio Observations of the Pulse Profiles and Dispersion Measures of Twelve Pulsars,” happened to be engrossed in his work at the Arecibo Radio Observatory nestled in Puerto Rico.  Craft sketched the radio oscillations of CP 1919 and sent them to an illustrator friend at Cornell University.

The image made its appearance in The Cambridge Encyclopaedia of Astronomy in 1977. A young graphic arts student named Bernard Sumner happened to be in the library on his usual lunch break, thumbing through their science and art collections, and chanced upon the image. It deeply resonated with his synth tinkering, love of Kraftwerk, and for 2001: A Space Odyssey. Two years later, as his band Joy Division prepared to unveil their inaugural album, they sought the expertise of the Factory Records graphic artist Peter Saville to implement the image on the cover.

Imagine the surprise Harold Craft felt when he wandered into a record shop and happened upon his own illustration! He immediately purchased the album plus a matching poster. Decades later, millions of CP 1919 shirts, albums, totes, tats, memes, parodies, and even embroidered tributes bear those waves- an image conceived by a student, representing a deep-space radio…transmission.

Three Joy Division songs:

  • Digital
  • Isolation
  • 24 Hours

The Sisters of Mercy T-Shirts:

Joy Division wasn’t the only band dipping into scientific illustration. Andrew Eldritch’s ‘star man’ logo for The Sisters of Mercy was inspired by Dr Henry Vandyke Carter’s illustration of the human cranium (occipito frontalis) from Gray’s Anatomy, perhaps keeping with the medical theme of naming their drum machine Doktor Avalanche? Through the Anatomy Act of 1832, which allowed dissection of unclaimed bodies from workhouse and hospital mortuaries, Henry Gray and Henry Vandyke devoted 18 months to research and work that laid the foundation for their groundbreaking book. This monumental work, eventually published in 1858, served as a “bible” for the medical profession until the advent of photography, and has never been out of print.

The band’s newer logo is a variation of the idea born from the Gray’s Anatomy one that made its debut in the liner notes of their debut single “Damage Done.”

Three Sisters of Mercy songs:

  • Poison Door
  • This Corrosion
  • Walk Away

Siouxsie and the Banshees:

Cribbing her signature look from silent screen vamps of the 1910s (like Theda Bara and Pola Negri); the tousled art student chic of the 1920s Bauhaus era, and Elizabeth Taylor’s striking eye makeup for the 1963 film Cleopatra, Siouxsie Sioux carved the template for trad-goth girls around the planet. Siouxsie’s eyes, in fact, became her trademark – her most popular shirts feature them alone.

Three Siouxsie and The Banshees songs:

  • Spellbound
  • Christine
  • Cities in Dust

The Cure’s “Boys Don’t Cry” T-Shirt:

The Cure’s “Boys Don’t Cry” T-shirt features a silhouette taken from their 1986 music video for the band’s iconic single. This video, promoting the “New Voice New Mix” re-recording, includes children miming the song with band members’ shadows, including Robert Smith, appearing behind a curtain. The video’s creative approach contributed to the song’s and the band’s iconic status in the music world. including voice actor Mark Heatley, miming the song. The band members, including Robert Smith, Lol Tolhurst, and Michael Dempsey, appear as the children’s shadows with red eyes in the video.

Three Cure songs:

  • Just One Kiss
  • All Cats Are Grey
  • Dressing Up

Find more shirts at vintagemerch.com

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Print is Undead — Opening the Gothic Beauty Box https://post-punk.com/print-is-undead-opening-the-gothic-beauty-box/ Thu, 14 Dec 2023 00:14:39 +0000 https://post-punk.com/?p=66139 Move over Pandora…Gothic Beauty’s new gift box is all you could hope it for amidst the neverending gloom. The Gothic Beauty Subscription Box 54 was such a treasure to come…

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Move over Pandora…Gothic Beauty’s new gift box is all you could hope it for amidst the neverending gloom.

The Gothic Beauty Subscription Box 54 was such a treasure to come home to on a cold, rainy December night after shooting a show on the Bowery. I positively cackled at its delightful contents, swaddled in charming skull paper and purple confetti. What macabre marvels awaited this elder darkwave dame?

A full-sized LashyDoodle eyeshadow palette in Halloween colours galore – doesn’t matter if your mood is Strawberry Switchblade, Steve Strange or Siouxsie Sioux; there’s something for everyone to play with, in stunning, bright pigments. It blends effortlessly in a rich powder that does not flake. 

They didn’t skimp on the LashyDoodle eyeliner, either: you’re not only covered with the full-sized eyeliner pen, which glides over your peepers beautifully – but comes with a darling bonus: a spiderweb stamp. Give yourself a beauty mark to draw admirers toward you, asking in hushed wonder, “Is that a spiderweb on your face?” 

“Yes – several, in fact,” I’ll respond with a sinister gleam in my eye. “I went…a little mad.”

If you need concealer or highlighter to bring out a more ghoulish complexion to entice a vampire lover, you get a small tub of Dark Asteroid Pretty Pale White Shimmer Creme. It glitters, glistens and glides over your skin with soft matte ease, making you look otherworldly AND fresh-faced. 

For fragrance lovers, there is a perfume roller from Spooky Spirits in a delicious Blood Orange Clove Autumn scent. It’s intoxicating, mysterious, and sure to attract abundance with its potency. Purists will love that it’s 100% steam-distilled jojoba, clove and orange oils – nothing yucky there to hurt those with sensitive skin.

Eerie Baubles also contributed two spooky little items: a fun bat necklace that can adjust between choker length and something less asphyxiating; and one of two rings. The one I received was a darling sterling silver cat-shaped pinky ring with tiny paws hugging your finger, and a heartwarmingly simple kitty face. 

Need a “stiff” drink? They also sent along a Castle Murk silicone ice cube mould for making skull-shaped ice. Serve your guests the chill of Death, or treat yourself to an iced coffee that really gets you. It’s also suitable to craft skull-shaped candy, sure to be the hit of the horror d’oeuvre tray!

It’s chilly in the Big Apple, so it was wonderful to uncover a lovely set of FootClothes socks to pair with your creepers and Docs. This well-made, sturdy hosiery is cozy and stylish: mine had a nice haunted cathedral emblazoned on them, perfect for chasing spectral organ players who dwell in the catacombs of the opera house, or lurking in the rolling hills of Green-Wood Cemetery.

A few more goodies were thrown in there, including a Lip Service sticker and postcard offering a 10% discount, and a sticker from Gothic Beauty Magazine

This would certainly make a good Christmas gift, whether you are new to the scene, or a Goth parent.

Pick up your Gothic Beauty box here!

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Swedish Industrial Outfit MORLOCKS to Release New Album “Praise the Iconoclast” https://post-punk.com/swedish-industrial-outfit-morlocks-to-release-new-album-praise-the-iconoclast/ Fri, 13 Oct 2023 02:45:41 +0000 https://post-punk.com/?p=64290 In the intricate ballet of human relationships, love and conflict often intertwine, making war a compelling metaphor for sexual intercourse. Just as opposing forces clash on the battlefield, lovers can…

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In the intricate ballet of human relationships, love and conflict often intertwine, making war a compelling metaphor for sexual intercourse. Just as opposing forces clash on the battlefield, lovers can find themselves entangled in passionate confrontations, marked by both desire and discord. Each side, driven by their convictions and emotions, seeks victory—be it a conquering of the heart or the resolution of differences. Strategems employed in warfare, like seduction and retreat, mirror the push-pull dynamics of seduction. Amidst the skirmishes, however, there’s an underlying quest for unity and understanding. Thus, love, like war, embodies the paradox of finding intimacy in opposition.

Sweden’s industrial stalwarts Morlocks turn the art of comically performative seduction into a parody of warmongering in their blistering satirical gem “Dicks In Tanks.” Making the obvious parallels between lovin’ spoonfuls and bullet showers, this eight-minute war film skewers the toxic trait of violent dominance in a comically over-the-top delivery. If Spinal Tap and Metallica joined forces with Motörhead, this would be their destiny.

With “Dicks In Tanks,” Morlocks dance precariously on the fringes of our shared dreams, those contradictory realms, and the world’s guilty conscience. They flit about with the slyness of dubious night creatures or charge with the force of a wayward steamroller. Their haunts? The Cold War’s chilly remnants, Rome’s underbelly, and baffling realms that make Kadath seem like a garden party.

“Way too many bands from die Schwarze Szene, metal and industrial alike, are a little too keen on songs about war, doing them *unironically*, and quite often in a somewhat positive light,” says the band. “Some hardcore masculinity there, fellas. We can’t have that, now can we? We just had to crank it up to eleven and put them in their place. Hence, this.”

Using found footage from the military and vintage newsreels, this eight-minute send-up is the ultimate mockery of those celebrating darkness a little too much. Heljarmadr (Grá/Dark Funeral) makes a cameo, as well.

Morlocks formed during the 90s in Gothenburg, Sweden. Today, they exist as a trio that features vocalist and founding member J. Strauss, aka guitarist Innocentius Rabiatus from Dark Side Cowboys. In 2013 they met, befriended and recruited multi-talented bass player/vocalist Lamashtu and the trio has been the core of the band ever since. Morlocks create a bastard hybrid of heavy, guitar-based industrial rock, retrofuturism and epic symphonics.

Praise the Iconoclast is an album that perfectly fuses their signature hybrid of industrial, retrofuturism, machines, symphonies with shards of metallic energy. KMFDM’s Sascha Konietzko, Karin My, and Heljarmadr (Grá and Dark Funeral) make guest vocal appearances. ‘Praise the Iconoclast‘ is out today from Metropolis Records on CD and through all digital streaming platforms.

Order Here

Follow Morlocks:

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LastCraft’s New Wave Tarot A Divine Tribute To 80s Post-Punk https://post-punk.com/lastcrafts-new-wave-tarot-a-divine-tribute-to-80s-post-punk/ Thu, 21 Jan 2021 22:39:55 +0000 https://post-punk.com/?p=35607 Collage artist Amanda Lee Stilwell of LastCraft Designs is a longtime veteran of tarot, having studied the craft for the last two decades. Several years ago, Stilwell decided to create…

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Collage artist Amanda Lee Stilwell of LastCraft Designs is a longtime veteran of tarot, having studied the craft for the last two decades. Several years ago, Stilwell decided to create a custom artisan tarot deck featuring lush digital collages of a vast assortment of 80s musicians, recalling the esoteric style of Pamela Colman Smith’s Rider-Waite illustrations, as well as the classic Thoth deck…with a musical spin.

New Wave Tarot is deliciously clever and well-researched, both as tarot figures and as New Wave history personified. In this delightful deck, the suit of Pentacles (Disks) appears as gold LP records.  Swords appear as microphones. Cups are teacups, in honour of all the thirsty Brits in the list; Wands are represented by eyeliner. Siouxsie Sioux is, of course, the High Priestess; Kate Bush the dramatic Moon. Fad Gadget appears as…what else? The Fool. Mister Romance himself, The King of Cups, comes in the guise of Robert Smith….he appears with Mary Poole again as The Lovers. Klaus Nomi and David Bowie comprise the mighty Chariot; Gary Numan is cast as the Magician. Budgie and Siouxsie are Two of Cups. Depeche Mode’s dark prince Dave Gahan leaps out of the abyss as the Devil. The most inspired of all: Genesis P-Orridge as the ultimate card of transition, Death.

The original deck was created as a gift for her spouse Stacey, who she was dating at the time. “I wanted to gift him something really unique,” she says. “I made the Major Arcana of the deck with his favorite musicians and had it printed for our anniversary…I then spent the next year crafting the rest of the cards based on other bands we both loved. We both grew up in Houston and spent every Friday night at #’s for their “Classic Numbers” night, which features all 1980s music…it was a critical part of our young adult years.”

LastCraft, which started in 2013, grew out of Stilwell’s desire to showcase her collage art, love of pop culture, and witchcraft. Their original offerings were an assortment of pop-culture candles, and the enterprise grew very quickly, especially after enamel pins and patches joined the roster. LastCraft is sold in over 50 shops across the US, with a focus on witchy home goods and accessories. Stilwell is currently co-creating a new tarot deck with Diana Rose, continuing Stilwell’s trademark collage style using found and vintage photos.

The backs of the New Wave Tarot cards feature 80’s-inspired geometry with roses. Cards are just less than 3×5 inches with rounded edges and printed on premium thick card stock, shipped in a tuck box that holds the entire deck and a fold-out description of cards and details on how to read the deck.

NOTE: This will be the final printing of the New Wave Tarot, which has been out of print for over a year and revived due to high demand. The deck is available for pre-sale ONLY at: lastcraftdesigns.com. Music fans, dabblers in the occult, you know what to do. Let the spirits move you.

Major Arcana cards include:
Gary Numan
Siouxsie Sioux
Nina Hagen
Peter Murphy
Nick Cave
Robert Smith/Mary Poole
Klaus Nomi/David Bowie
Frank Tovey
Andrew Eldritch
Devo
Grace Jones
Ian Curtis
Gen P-Orridge
Morrissey
Dave Gahan
Kate Bush
Marc Almond
Pete Burns

Photo: Alice Teeple Model: Frankie Starker

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Matthew Lineham’s 2021 Roster of New Wave, 80s, and Alternative Rock Valentines https://post-punk.com/mathew-linehams-2021-roster-of-new-wave-80s-and-alternative-rock-valentines/ Tue, 19 Jan 2021 17:10:52 +0000 https://post-punk.com/?p=35644 For your pun-loving Post-Punk gift needs, artist Matthew Lineham has unveiled his 2021 roster of New Wave, and 80s and 90s rock Valentine’s cards. Expanding upon his ever-growing repertoire that…

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For your pun-loving Post-Punk gift needs, artist Matthew Lineham has unveiled his 2021 roster of New Wave, and 80s and 90s rock Valentine’s cards.

Expanding upon his ever-growing repertoire that includes Christmas ornaments and “Boo Wave” Halloween decorations, Lineham in now on his sixth year of releasing these adorable Valentine’s Day cards bearing the faces of icons from the 80s—all on the kind of tear-away sheets some of passed around in class several decades ago. This year Lineham’s offerings diverge from the New Wave flavour a bit, but amongst the Eighties titans of Top-40 a gloriously-mulleted young Bono insists he likes You Too (groan) and Prince invites you to “go crazy.” Sign me up.

This year’s roster of Cupids also includes a few beloved 90s alt-rock stars, including Trent Reznor declaring you’re “FINE Inch Nails,” a doe-eyed Michael Stipe insisting “Everybody Flirts,” and Shirley Manson saying thanks for “putting up with her Garbage.”

The 2021 Valentines packs are on sale now at mlinehamart.com Tell your special someone you love them or have Midge Ure do Cyrano’s dirty work by calling them an UltraFOX.

See images from the Valentine’s Day card packs below.

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Jorge Elbrecht’s “Perish” (Featuring Geneva Jacuzzi) is a Bizarre, Rollicking Homage to Cult Sci Fi and Retro Futurism https://post-punk.com/jorge-elbrechts-perish-featuring-geneva-jacuzzi-is-a-bizarre-rollicking-homage-to-cult-sci-fi-and-retro-futurism/ Fri, 06 Nov 2020 22:50:31 +0000 https://post-punk.com/?p=33835 Get ready for a real dazzler: songwriter, producer and visual artist Jorge Elbrecht takes us on an epic adventure through the bizarre, ancient futuristic landscapes of…Clash of the Titans! Zardoz!…

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Get ready for a real dazzler: songwriter, producer and visual artist Jorge Elbrecht takes us on an epic adventure through the bizarre, ancient futuristic landscapes of…Clash of the Titans! Zardoz! The Canon Films version of Hercules! And a pit stop at the Gary Numan Pleasures album cover after a Nina Hagen show!

What is this behemoth, you ask?

The minimal electro pop number is called Perish, the second co-writing effort between Elbrecht and Geneva Jacuzzi (after 2018’s Guillotine).  Elbrecht is no stranger to the music scene, having collaborated with everyone musically from Drab Majesty, to SRSQ, to Ariel Pink, to Sky Ferreria….and artistically with renowned sculptor Max Hooper Schneider. Elbrecht is also a founder of the band/art collective Lansing-Dreiden. Elbrecht also holds writing and production credits on Ariel Pink’s critically acclaimed album Pom Pom and Dedicated to Bobby Jameson, as well as mixing Japanese Breakfast’s Soft Sounds From Another Planet and co-producing and mixing albums from Gang Gang Dance and Wild Nothing.

Elbrecht’s intense battle with depression over the state of the world and his dwindling passion for the “mindless, like-based new” has resulted in focusing on some serious me-time artistically. “There was no other option but to fast-forward into a physiological twilight,” says Elbrecht’s team. Putting his own passions on hold led to a great many hiccups, thwarted recording, and scattered projects. Elbrecht lamented the art and music he felt he had lost to commercialism and the vapid culture industry and fell down an intense spiral.

“He wished he existed in a time where he could enjoy the world around him… I think he was trying his hardest to block it out with things he preferred,” gathers the artist’s father.

O, Fortuna! You have smiled upon the brave, for the accompanying video for Perish is a real treat: an epic odyssey through space and time. Director Zev Deans reflects on the making of the unforgettable video: “There are themes of existential dread at times, while the song maintains a very campy atmosphere…I re-contextualized the film’s aesthetic as a backdrop to Elbrecht’s own lore and imagery.”

Deans cites a number of 70s sci-fi films as inspiration, particularly those that “dealt with closed utopian societies in the distant future that have uniquely bizarre relationships with death and immortality.” Dean describes the aesthetic of these films as “delightfully horrendous,” singling out “the gonzo” Zardoz as “the singlemost thoughtful incarnation of this trend, while boasting and absolutely batshit aesthetic that few other movies can touch.”

Elbrecht has a lot more tricks up his sleeve, soon to be announced.

Good to have you among us, Jorge.

Behold: the eighth wonder of the world.

Gloss Coma 002 is out now.

Order Here

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The Cool Greenhouse Reaps What It Sows https://post-punk.com/the-cool-greenhouse-reaps-what-it-sows/ Fri, 29 May 2020 09:00:49 +0000 https://post-punk.com/?p=30597 Well they say that we might all have dirty glasses Like they said Trojan horse would be forgotten But we represent a different platform Dispossessed pinko middle classes Who have…

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Well they say that we might all have dirty glasses

Like they said Trojan horse would be forgotten

But we represent a different platform

Dispossessed pinko middle classes

Who have very dirty glasses

The Cool Greenhouse are no hothouse flowers, but they’re certainly about to hurl a few stones with their self-titled debut LP. Blissfully instinctive, The Cool Greenhouse deftly embodies the agitation of a relentless internal monologue with the maddening monotony of a repetitive earworm….let’s just call a spade a spade. This is The Cool Greenhouse Effect.

The voice and mastermind behind the band, the delightfully monikered Tom Greenhouse, explodes on the scene with a spectacularly poetic, post-punk, psychedelic narration style. Inspired by magazine articles and conversations, each song in the collection delights in drolly digging at the gamin classes, scoffing at the stupidity of society, and popping punches at female harassment.  In short, Tom Greenhouse is a brilliantly witty lyricist, and The Cool Greenhouse is about to be your next favourite band if you are a fan of the minimalist stylings of Tom Vek, spilling the wine with Eric Burdon/War, the bizarre verbal journeys of early Beck, and the wordplay of Patti Smith. Patti herself is namechecked in 2019’s Pets: “I hear Patti Smith’s favourite pet…is an earring.”

“A lot of punk is on the nose like “fuck the Tories” but I’m not that hardcore,” says Greenhouse. “Humour is good for talking about serious things without getting too sentimental.”

Greenhouse’s proclivity for penning poetry struck early. “At school I wrote a story about a whale that fell in love with a submarine and tried to have sex with it which almost caused a serious nuclear meltdown; it won a prize. As a teenager I thought I was Arthur Rimbaud so I moved to Paris and wrote terrible poetry.” Ah, the folly of youth!

Down and out in Paris (and later, in London), Greenhouse found his finances in dire straits, so the fledgling poet fled to the sticks of Norwich, England. Sitting in his garden, the muse stuck and Greenhouse was determined to turn scripture into song with a friend’s tape recorder. He then set to writing the album between cranking out clickbait articles for his bread and butter. Greenhouse then contacted Graham Lambkin (The Shadow Ring) asking whether the whole effort was worth the bother. “He sent a really nice reply. He probably doesn’t remember, but it spurred me on.”

Photo: Greg Holland

From there, Greenhouse took to the live circuit, but his solo backing track performances needed a fuller sound and turned to the talent of guitarist Tom O Driscoll, bassist Thom Mason, drummer/percussionist Kevin Barthelemy and Merlin Nova on keys and synths, harmonium, melodica, violin and backing vocals.  The result was so impressive they got signed by Melodic. “Those guys are crazy,” says Greenhouse.

“I wanted to hear repetitive music that wasn’t pretentious,” Greenhouse says of his personal agenda to inject pop sentimentality into the rock’n’roll textbook. “The mission was to make long, repetitive pop music that wasn’t boring. I soon realised I could do that through focusing on the lyrics.” The result is a dizzying onslaught of languidly-delivered verbiage that demands your attention and slices through the bullshit with rapier-sharp wit.

Producer, sound engineer and mixer Phil Booth (Sleaford Mods, Jake Bugg) discovered the 7″ masterpiece and invited the group to his JT Soar studio in Nottingham. The old potato-packing warehouse offered an idiosyncratic working method for the band, which recorded the album over 7 days between kipping on studio couches, 4am whiskey-soaked sessions, and Mario Kart ’64 on demand. “There were weird little synchronistic miracles,” says Greenhouse: “discussing a song then seeing its title on a shop window, finding things in pubs straight out of our songs… these zapped me onto some sort of Jungian plane where I didn’t need sleep and knew just what to do.” After sculpting the final cuts, the ambitious effort was mastered by Mikey Young (Bodega, Amyl and the Sniffers). “We added a tympani and clarinet, but ended up taking it all off again.” One hopes they’re revived in another incarnation.

The efforts paid off: The Cool Greenhouse caught the attention of Henry Rollins, who declared them as “my new favourite post-everything existential music happening. Hooray!”

Praise from Sir Henry is praise indeed. Give this gem a spin.

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Watch The Cure’s Robert Smith Dance a Conga-line at a Funeral Party and more! https://post-punk.com/the-cures-robert-smith-conga-line/ Wed, 20 May 2020 20:03:52 +0000 https://post-punk.com/?p=30382 What a personal disaster… The Cure’s Robert Smith once made a hilarious guest appearance on The Mary Whitehouse Experience—a British topical sketch comedy show produced by the BBC in association with Spitting Image Productions. This…

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What a personal disaster…

The Cure’s Robert Smith once made a hilarious guest appearance on The Mary Whitehouse Experience—a British topical sketch comedy show produced by the BBC in association with Spitting Image Productions.

This BBC comedy show starred David Baddiel, Robert Newman, Hugh Dennis, and Steve Punt, and was named after Mary Whitehouse, a campaigner against what she saw as a decline in television standards and public morality, who became the target of mockery in the UK for her attitudes.

Robert Smith made his cameo on the series’ final episode, which was filmed on the 28th of March, 1992 in London, England. The episode was first Broadcasted the following week on the 6th of April 1992, on BBC 2.

In the first part of the episode, Robert Newman impersonates Robert Smith singing “Rule Britannia”.

In another part of the episode, Robert Newman plays a character who is suffering uncontrollable sarcasm named Ray.

Ray has his trials and tribulations narrated by Dr. Roland Fiske, who explains how Ray’s situation progresses, all the while “ironically” becoming a fan of The Cure.

Following Ray learning Flemish and expressing his sarcasm in this new language, the poor fellow ends up meeting his hero Robert Smith.

Smith approaches Ray, singing “The Sun Has Got His Hat On“, and, upon being mocked about being “lost in a forest”, exclaims: “What a personal disaster”, and in disgust then proceeds to punch Ray in the face.

Again, in another video Rob Newman as Robert Smith sings “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” and “I’m a Little Teapot”.

And in yet another episode, there was also a parody of the Tim Burton film Edward Scissorhands, called Edward Colanderhands.

Edward, played by Rob Newman. has colanders for hands instead of scissors. In one episode he is seen in a sketch helping a housewife to drain vegetables.

He was also present in another Robert Smith sketch where “The Laughing Policeman” is sung. In the audience, he is seen clapping to the beat of the songs—but instead of clapping his hands, he claps his colanders together.

Watch a full episode, featuring an Edward Colanderhands sketch below:

Robert Smith himself appeared once again the following year in a hilarious sketch for Newman and Baddiel in Pieces that is indeed a literal “Funeral Party”—where Smith even puts on a party hat, blows a kazoo, and dances a conga line.

(There is also A parody of Mark Gardener of Ride, and Tim Burgess of The Charlatans from The Mary Whitehouse Experience.)

 

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Goths Eating | With Drab Majesty and Cold Showers https://post-punk.com/goths-eating-with-drab-majesty-and-cold-showers/ Sat, 08 Apr 2017 16:55:15 +0000 http://www.post-punk.com/?p=12491 While some Goths still drink coffee at Denny’s after hours post-club, my experiences in Hollywood always led me to Asian cuisine excursions, often involving a Thai Elvis. So naturally, maybe…

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While some Goths still drink coffee at Denny’s after hours post-club, my experiences in Hollywood always led me to Asian cuisine excursions, often involving a Thai Elvis.

So naturally, maybe it was inevitable that someone with the unique imagination of Second Still’s Suki San has taking such an experience and combined it with a quirky Asian style game show, recruiting Drab Majesty’s Deb Demure, and Chris King from Cold Showers to dine at Yai in Hollywood, while discussing sad beagles piloting a one man aircraft.

Here is some more info on Goths Eating:

Goths Eating was originally created by Suki San, (Second Still), during a particularly bland day working at an ice cream factory. It was written on a napkin in Sharpie and forgotten about until laundry day. She contacted Austin Micciche, a good friend and producer, (Cactus Taxi Productions), who brought in colleague Albert Bradley as Editor.

For San, there could be no other star than Los Angeles native Deb Demure, (Drab Majesty), who she believed matched the aesthetic perfectly. She got his contact through her friend, (and her band’s producer) Chris King, of Cold Showers, and floated the idea. Deb was immediately on board and Chris King agreed to costar.

Location was difficult to find. San went through rejections from dozens of restaurants until finally reaching out to Yai, one of her favorite East Hollywood local spots.

The video was shot in three hours in November and was edited over the course of five months. It was on a budget of less than $200 and the infinite kindness of friends.

Goths Eating is an homage to Asian game shows, Seinfeld, sitcoms, food and the Post punk genre. It will eventually become an eight episode series.

Producer: Austin Micciche

Editor: Albert Bradley, Suki San

Cameramen: Austin Micciche, Allison Littrell

Sound: Gabe Stewart

Sound Fx: Ryan Walker, Suki San

Color: Ashley Ayarza

Starring: Deb Demure (Drab Majesty), Chris King (Cold Showers)

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Creepy Crawley: The Cure songs reimagined as horror comic covers https://post-punk.com/creepy-crawley-the-cure-songs-reimagined-as-horror-comic-covers/ Fri, 08 Jan 2016 16:28:06 +0000 http://www.post-punk.com/?p=8817 Brazilian graphic artist Butcher Billy seems to be a Cure fan—and his fondness of Post Punk and Wave is not exactly a secret, considering his excellent take on Morrissey, This…

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Brazilian graphic artist Butcher Billy seems to be a Cure fan—and his fondness of Post Punk and Wave is not exactly a secret, considering his excellent take on Morrissey, This Charming Man Of Steel.

The Cure’s front man Robert Smith is certainly more adaptable to pop cultural references as Mozz, since he was honored in South Park in 1998, defeating Mecha-Streisand in his Moth-Ra incarnation, not without kicking Eric Cartman’s nuts (Roshambo!)—not to mention Neil Gaiman’s Sandman graphic novels that feature more than one character that drew a bit of inspiration (at least) from Robert Smith’s trademark look.

Previously unknown to me, The Cure song titles and lines make excellent captions for horror comics, but Butcher Billy is the one you should ask about inspiring stuff in graphic form. So let the excellent interpretations of Cure songs do the talking.

Disintegration

The Caterpillar

Lullaby

Close To Me

Killing an Arab

A Forest

Wrong Number

Pictures of You

Friday I'm in Love

Before we close this case, one question: Siouxsie Sioux, where are you? (Zoinks!)

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